i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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