I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
