I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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