it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
