Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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