Just fell off a train. Bad.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So many bounce houses so little time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
