you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
