You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
