Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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