I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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