What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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