Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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