Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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