they need to just BURY HIM!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
