He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
