I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We named our party play list daddy issues
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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