Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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