Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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