P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
