ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
