are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
