does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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