Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
