dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
