I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
