First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
