we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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