I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
