A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
