He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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