My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
