so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
