Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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