There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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