There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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