a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
