Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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