I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize