i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
