I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
