apparently the secret to your success is patron
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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