He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
