just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
