I'm lost and stupid without you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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