A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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