awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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