You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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