I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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