i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
