Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
