He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
