she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
