Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
