i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
