That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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