There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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