I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
