I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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