Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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